A Heart of Cheese

On Tuesday my book tour schedule brings me to the Midwest, what I like to refer to as “The Old Country.” I say that because I am, at my core, a Midwestern woman. No matter how far I roam there is still a Minnesota girl inside me.

There’s also a Wisconsin girl. My parents were dual citizens, born and raised in Wisconsin but who moved as adults to Minnesota. They rooted for the Vikings—unless the Vikings were playing the Packers. They always root for the Packers. I went to first grade in Milwaukee, and my sister was born there. My mom, to this day, refers to visiting our relatives in Wisconsin as “going home.”

Minnesota and Wisconsin share one of those regional rivalries that is all-too-real to the invested parties and incomprehensible to anyone else. In Oregon, where I live now, people don’t even know where these states are, let alone any silly subtle nuances between them. But ask a native Oregonian about California and you’ll get an earful.

The Minnesota-Wisconsin rivalry is less vitriolic than the Wisconsin-Illinois rivalry, and more substantive than the Minnesota-Iowa rivalry. I mean, really, what is the difference between southern Minnesota and Iowa?

To the trained eye, this is not nuance:

                     Minnesota                                             Wisconsin

Protestant	Catholic
Scandinavian	German/Dutch
Twins	Brewers
Lutefisk	Sausages
Lefse	Schwarzbrot
Herring	Headcheese
Walleye	Perch
Mayonnaise	Butter
Stocking cap perched on very top of head	No hat
Bridge	Sheepshead
Ford	Chevy
Pepsi	Coke
Sweet white wine	Beer
Coffee so weak it looks like tea	Beer

Those Germans drink beer all the time, even on Sunday. Scandalous.

Most of my heritage is German (and Dutch, another one of those differences that no one but the invested parties can discern). My great-grandmother Hazel provided a splash of Scotch-Irish, English and French. I assume that this one aberration in my genetic code is responsible for my love of whiskey and dry red wine. The rest of me is cheese, sausages and beer. Ein Prosit!